The best references sound a little boring—in the good way. They are specific about punctuality, discretion, and how reroutes were handled when soccer ran late or a parent traveled.
Verify the basics first
Confirm dates, role title, ages of children, and whether the separation was planned. Mismatches here deserve a calm, direct conversation with the candidate before you go further.
Ask for moments, not adjectives
Replace “Was she great?” with “Describe a week that went off-script.” Listen for ownership, communication with parents, and how they talk about children when the children are not perfect.
Triangulate
One glowing reference and two terse ones is data. Patterns beat outliers—especially around reliability and boundaries.